I have this habit of forgetting where I put things. I put them, oh say in my pocket. And it’s something important, on paper, and it just stays in my pocket. It stays in my pocket and then I go to do laundry. And it isn’t until after the door has locked that I have remembered that it’s there and by that time I have no way to get the washer to stop.
Yeah. I am a moron. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I made a giant mistake and kinda screwed myself over. And I could not feel worse about myself.
I take the time to spend at least an hour in the word each day. And the days that I spend sermon prepping it’s not a problem to do so. But on the days that I’m just being a normal college student it’s a lot harder than it sounds. Often, I spend it coloring in the creative bible I got for Christmas. It helps me to focus on one verse at a time, and I love it.
In my major mistake today I sat, crying because everything is just piling up and it is so overwhelming. I sat wondering how on earth I was going to survive, pull through, and somehow make it through these next few weeks. And then I realized that I was being stupid. And that is that God will provide.
I haven’t been putting my faith in him. I haven’t trusted that he will take take of me. My family. My life. And it was in preaching myself this morning and then sitting and listening to my pastor afterwards that it just kind of hit me. I am a moron. And now, sitting here in my room, I realize that I really need to just trust in Him.
I need to start believing and trusting. I need to get over myself and stop trying to plan my life. I need to let God take control. I need to give up my need to control every little thing. Because I can’t, and it will kill me to keep trying.