Never Did I Think…

Never did I think I would be where I’m at today. Never did I think that I would find someone who loved me for me. Never did I think that I could feel so lonely. And yet here I am. In love with a man who has never asked me to change who I was, yet I’m unable to let him in.

I’ve been through a lot in my short nineteen years. I’ve been abused, assaulted, and never saw any value in myself. And then he walked into my life. He made me laugh, smile, and I felt happy around him. It’s just a shame it took me three years to say yes.

I sit here now, more afraid than ever before. Finding out a guy who tried to attack a girl somehow managed to get into your building and then followed you home from class. It really scares you to death. Especially since you’ve lived through the aftermath once. And I never want to live through it again.

I hate that I can’t let him in. I hate that the fear inside the pit of my stomach makes me push him away. I know he won’t hurt me, but the harm that comes from something like that sticks with you. It’s been six years, and I still sit trembling wondering if my door is actually locked.

Never did I think I could love a man this much. Never did I think he could make me feel this special. And never did I think I would be back in this situation again.

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