Happy 25th Birthday to My Guardian Angel

Today would be your 25th birthday. Today would be the day I sent you a really long text message full of goofiness and tell you I would see in in just a few short months. I would tell you how much you mean to me. I would tell you I love you. And I would tell you to keep kicking cancer’s ass.

It’s been two and a half years since you left us here on earth. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. That I don’t wonder what you’re doing. That I don’t ask myself if you are sitting up there running around and having fun, driving everyone insane with your Red Bull addiction. Not a day goes by that a memory of you doesn’t make me smile.

Darling we may not have been as close as you were with others, but that’s okay. We may have really bonded over our hospital visits and mutual hatred of doctors, but it happens. We may not have ever made it to our Hawkeye game, but dear I went for us this year. And I know you were there. How else could we have made that last second field goal?

You know, it’s always hard when your birthday rolls around, or the day that you left us. It’s hard because I remember that I won’t be seeing your face for a while. It’s hard because I won’t get to hear your voice anytime soon. But I think it’s the hardest because of where I am now. What’s going on in my life. And you aren’t here to see it happen.

Justin and I got together, but of course you know that. After all, you were the one who brought it to my attention that he liked me all those years ago. Don’t worry though, I’m working a way to get our daughter named after you. Jena and I are together again, and I seriously am beginning to wonder how on earth we are going to make it without killing each other. I wish you were here so we could talk about it. After all, you always gave the best advice. I’m preaching now. Yeah, I can’t believe it either. Obviously they trust me or something, or they wouldn’t let me keep doing it. Madison got married Friday. Crazy I know. I hope you were there with her since none of us could be. And my grandma’s battling cancer once again. Would you mind sitting with her when I can’t? I know you never knew her, but you would love her if you had.

Well, my beautiful friend, I hate it when our chats come to an end. Now more than ever before. But I know you have to get back to life up there, and I need to continue with life down here. Before you go, I want to ask if you’ll keep watching over me. Keep making sure that I don’t do something incredibly stupid (though the occasional mistake is okay). Warn me if something bad is going to happen, so I can prepare myself not to be shaken. Walk with me through life, just like I know you would have. I promise to try and stop the tears, because you would have told me everything was going to be alright.

I love you Emma. Happy Birthday baby girl.

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