It’s been a while, and I need to apologize. My life has been crazy and I have had a lot on my mind. Actually, it’s more like I’ve been trying to figure out the rest of my life. And funny, I can’t seem to do it.
I have always been the girl that makes everyone else happy. Who puts everyone else before herself. And so far, I would say I’ve done pretty good at doing it. However, it’s finally taken its toll. I find myself living somewhere that makes me unhappy 6 out of the 7 days of the week. And I don’t think I can do it any longer.
I applied to the University of Iowa Tuesday afternoon. My dream college, though I gave up on ever attending when I realized I wanted to study religion. But I found a way to do it. I found a way to make it work. And it makes me happier than I’ve been for a long, long time.
I love the school I am at now, but I feel so alone. My friends have left me, it feels like no one cares, and my department is slowly shutting down. I really am only still here for my church family. I’ve wanted to leave since last fall, but I didn’t have the courage to do anything about it. But I finally found it. And I’m glad I did.
I may not get into the University of Iowa. Am I okay with that? No, but I have a backup I can apply to just in case. And if anything, I can always take some time off to work. To establish a home for myself and a place for my boyfriend and I to live. I just know that I can’t stay here.
What I am trying to say is that the times of putting everyone else before myself are over: I need to do what is best for me. And it’s going to break my heart to leave, it will. I love my church family. They are the best part of my week. But right now I need to focus on school. And I don’t think this is the best place for me.
Do what makes you happy. Not what will make the world happy.